i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize