i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's never too late to be topless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
