I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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