So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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