There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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