I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
