Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
