The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
His nipple licking is glorious
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