piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
