It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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