new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
