did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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