On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
