The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
