Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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