i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize