you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
