So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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