Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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