Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
