My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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