i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i think i scared a bird with my dick
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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