i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
