I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
