I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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