ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
ttyl tear gas
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
