You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
