He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I love you. Go after that dick
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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