i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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