Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize