Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
