i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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