i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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