Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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