just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
FUCK WHALES
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
