So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
