It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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