Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize