My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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