Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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