If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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