peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
