Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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