morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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