So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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