He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
