im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
