"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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