i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
