i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
