I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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