Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
