I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
