One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
