someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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