there was a trapeze. enough said
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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