just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
