Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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