I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
