Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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