As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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