Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
