All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
