So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
