Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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