Hey man sorry I got all grabby
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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