I think my fart just growled at me.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
