Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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