I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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