Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
