It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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