I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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