o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
