I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
