i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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