I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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