I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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