im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
