I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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