He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
