Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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