Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
