Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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