So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
