Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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