apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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