If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
