I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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