Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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