so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
