I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think my moral compass just broke
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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