Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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