my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
