do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
