Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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