i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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