I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
one might say we're banned from that church
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize