Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
